I’m never exactly certain of how to talk about myself in spaces like this. Where and how do I draw a boundary around me. It is far easier for me inside of a dialog or small group conversation to discuss topics like who-is-kevin-lynn-smith because the presence and inquiry of others helps me to see helps me to under-stand and helps me to respond to who this I exactly is. Unprompted I likely just stare into space and wonder, Who am I?
But regardless of all of that and even with sums of contingency I do have a sense of who I am and so I will try to put something down that may give to you some approximate sense of the sense I have of the person behind all of this. Also I do like to read Abouts on other sites and Abouts in books and Abouts associated with created objects so I hope that this is a small gift to those of you that are like me and also enjoy reading these types of things. Here goes.
Where to begin in my self-disclosure. I could run down through some top-of-mind bullets of “facts”. That might look something like
• i am older than thirty-three younger than ninety-nine • i graduated from a college • and studied abstract sciences of math and computers • i have worked primarily in the “tech” industry • and even co-founded a startup • i’m a dad • my parents both suffered from alcoholism substance abuse & mental illness & this is a source of many of my gifts and traumas • i lived in SF for almost a decade but recently moved • but grew up in the South—SC specifically a strange place •&c. •etc. • etcetera
But really, what do these facts say about me. I am not sure but I usually exchange this sort of thing depending on context of conversation or presentation or relational essai. I like or am accustomed to trading facts with other people but it always seems a little lackluster a little insufficient a little less than fully human.
So what else can I say about myself. I don’t know who you are the who that is reading this and that gap is a bit awkward but are we ever more than strangers to one another as we trade and exchange our facts and so is this any different. You reading this is a one-way exchange but really is it but also not too different than if you were sitting down next to me and I was speaking to you these same things. All the more when my facts carry coin of economic value. All the more.
Beyond facts I could tell you about what I dream about what I wish were true in the world what I love what I hate what I believe what I wonder. That might look something like
• I hate inequity and oppression and injustice and structural encasing of these things that perpetuate cycles • and therefore also specific categories like white supremacy exploitative capitalism corporatism racism sexism homophobia transphobia & other -isms and -phobias that destroy life• relatedly I love seeing people thrive and fulfill the desires of their hearts and the discoveries of themselves • I wish the world and our society was configured to support all of its members to pursue and to live fulfilling lives and embrace a fuller spectrum of freedom • I dream about a world where our struggles are not against one another not against our planet not against artificial scarcity not fueled by arbitrary religious dogma not competitive by default • I dream about a world where our struggles our challenges are with the inevitable difficulties that come from a human being trying to figure out what they want their life to look like and how they might go about that • I wonder what it would be like to move at lightspeed to be a photon on a long journey through space • I love being with audacious people that are exploring the cracks pushing the boundaries of possibles rebelling against the givens that govern-and-attempt to put human beings into shapes and forms of unnatural fitting • I dream and wonder about scale but not in scale-of-economies type things but in scale-of-thriving type things • I wonder what it would be like to look at life from the outside from the other side from the perspective of death • I love playful curiosity and the joy of figuring out how things work•I believe that kindness compassion prosociality mutuality nonviolence and the like are essential to creating a viable future for our species • &c.
And more lots and lots more along these trajectories. I’m certain that these dreams beliefs desires hopes and hates will surface throughout the things that I put on this site. And in many ways this is the boundary about this site that I aim to overflow through myriad attempts to capture & convey these quivering pieces of me.
As perhaps a slim summary I could say that when I sit quietly I see a person that is ambivalent questioning hoping despairing dreaming contradicting plodding as a sort of explorer inventor teacher artist being that tries to meet each day each moment with his deepest depths to amplify the good he sees feels conceives loves.