sometimes i think (feel?) that i am far too negative
sometimes i think (feel?) that i am far too negative. negative to an extreme that is not necessary or accurate or really how things are. i shift negative in almost all perceptions, seeing the misfits the holes the inevitable the death the suffering the unavoidable pain that all lines find as their end. i cannot help this it happens automatically without my intervention without my effort without any conscious choice or participation. i am just simply there in the middle of it with a field of pessimism all around surrounding my under-standing my standing in the middle of the field of pessimism that i find myself in automatically without effort without thought i am there. and there is where i am. and i am there often. and i am there often. when i see this i wonder if others have a similar experience do others have a similar experience what about those people that seem to be happy to seem to be happy to seem to not see or feel or stand in the middle of a field of pessimism. what about those people are they real or are they not real are they real or are they holograms of real holograms of projections holograms what are they. but i feel that i feel that i feel that i am too negative too much in this field of pessimism too automatically in this field without consideration or thought. i want to be not in this field i want to not be here in this field this field of pessimism i want to be in a field of optimism surrounded by optimism possibility hope maybe opportunity positivity not negatives not negatives not i want to be in the field of optimism the field of optimism. how do i get from one field to the other where is the path what are the means is there a bridge a road a stream a plane a wall between how do i get from one field to another form a path from one field to another. do i have to try to be in the field of possibility the field of optimism if i find that i do not have to think to be in the field of negativity the field of pessimism do i necessarily have to think to be in the other one or could i perhaps find a hole to fall into and end up in the other one riding this tunnel between the two fields between the two poles what is in the middle of this hole this tunnel what is in the middle could i just balance there and stretch myself through it until i am in both fields at the same time being in both fields at the same time in the field of pessimism the field of optimism at the same time simultaneously in both fields the field of pessimism where i do not have to try to be in it and also the field of optimism that maybe i have to try to be in it but maybe not if i fall into the hole that connects both fields fields separated by so many miles so much distance untraversable i need this hole with a tunnel that i can fall into and then be held in perpetual suspension between both fields until my being stretches stretches oh uncomfortably stretches until i am in both fields and i do not have to try anymore i am stretched painfully stretched until it is easy it is known i am in both fields. but i still love the field of pessimism more for it was my first love my for ever love ever loving this field of pessimism that nurtured me grew me gave me eyes to see all the suffering the bad the ugly the inevitability of death of all lines of effort but still there is this hole that i will jump into maybe thinking it is the hole that leads to final destruction for myself but really the hole that tunnels the hole that tunnels to another field to another field the field of optimism the field of positivity and i will stretch and stretch stretch and stretch between these fields. loving one hating one and not sure which is which loving one and hating one and not sure which is which love hate hate love love love hate bouncing in this tunnel with me as i stretch and stretch as i become one with the tunnel the fields and i am covering them both at the same time while i praise this hole this tunnel that connects the field that i don’t have to try to be in and the field that i tried and sometimes did walk across difficult terrain to reach the field i don’t have to try for the field of pessimism and the field that i have to try for the field of optimism but there is this tunnel this hole that i jump into. falling and falling until i suspend in the middle for ever ever in the middle looking and now i do not have to try for either any longer. i am in both fields and i am in the tunnel and i am both fields and i am the tunnel. how interesting.